i got scared

July 13, 2012

July 11, 2012

i got scared

i got so scared

working numbers


i got so scared

cause it wasn’t adding


i  got so scared

about it being


i got so scared

i cried out for


i got so scared

i heard “pull yourself


i  got so scared

and remembered to


I got so scared

even though it’s all a



Be Love

December 10, 2011

Upon waking this morning, I began searching for the quiet space between the silence and found myself sitting in a chair being told to LISTEN.  There I heard the message for creativity….”Be Love”.  A post and a  gift from one of my teachers of profound wisdom, presented itself in that moment.  The gateway for me to “Be Love” comes in the form of artistic expression.   Thank You, Beatrex!!!


This is Love

Falling in Love photo by Gabriel

Looking into eyes

That reflect the Beauty

Me morphs into We


Love Is Not Caused, It Is…

Never before in the history of man has it been so important to have a change of heart – to release the concept of having love and accept the concept of being love. Love is not caused, it is. This change can occur only when we take our hearts into ourselves and discover love as a state of being, of oneness, and of wholeness. We must release the concept of having love. We must see that our pursuit of love as a reward or as acceptance is conditional and futile, and it does not produce well being. Well being is perceiving love as wholeness and releasing the perception of love as a reward. Love is not caused, it is.
The conditional concepts of caring have been confused by what we know as acts of love from the having mode. When love becomes something we have, it ceases to be lovable and becomes a possession. Its objects feel confined, controlled and imprisoned. When we think of love as a state of having, love gets placed automatically in the past and we become fearful of change, thus promoting possessive and addictive behavior.
When we recognize love as wholeness and come to know the source of love from within, we are in a constant state of self-increasing renewal. We experience ourselves as free, self-determined, self-reliant and whole and allow others the same right. Oneness transpires when we fall in love with ourselves. Separateness dissipates. I am reminded of Nancy Tappe’s most powerful words; “Love is a principle, not a practice. Love is a state of being in which you exist, not what you do, how you act or who you are with.”
If you are reading this today, you are being asked to see where you are looking for love outside yourself and not connecting to the idea that you are already love even when you don’t know it. ~ Beatrex Quntanna

We are grateful for inspiration!! Thank you for sharing in our journey as we Come Together in many ways!
with Love,

the inside layers of the Kiva Fire Pit

A Hopi Elder Speaks

“You have been telling the people that this is the Eleventh Hour, now you must
go back and tell the people that this is the Hour. And there are
things to be considered . . .
Where are you living?
What are you doing?
What are your relationships?
Are you in right relation?
Where is your water?
Know your garden.
It is time to speak your Truth.
Create your community.
Be good to each other.
And do not look outside yourself for the leader.”

Then he clasped his hands together, smiled, and said, “This could be a good time!”
“There is a river flowing now very fast. It is so great and swift that there are those who
will be afraid. They will try to hold on to the shore. They will feel they are torn apart and will suffer greatly.

“Know the river has its destination. The elders say we must let go
of the shore, push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open,
and our heads above water. And I say, see who is in there with you and
celebrate. At this time in history, we are to take nothing
personally, Least of all ourselves. For the moment that we do,
our spiritual growth and journey comes to a halt.

“The time for the lone wolf is over. Gather yourselves! Banish the
word struggle from you attitude and your vocabulary. All that we do
now must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration.
“We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.”

— attributed to an unnamed Hopi elder
Hopi Nation Oraibi,

Sunday July 24, 2011, Poway, 8:30ish am

In the last few weeks, the women in my immediate circle have been experiencing candida symptoms and bacterial infections. Although their cases
are individual, I see in the universal mapping that this discord is not isolated.
While working with a Joshua Tree local Shaman of  a couple of days ago, the messages revealed “lack of self worth, deceit, power control and suicide”.  Coyotes have howled their laughter almost nightly in the last week, “You think it is, but it isn’t.”

I would like to remind us to nurture ourselves, speak to the core truth, have faith and ask for help and support. The work we are doing on behalf of Earth Mother and on behalf of humanity is not going unnoticed.

Last night, after I navigated clear new waters of my role as a mother, I was guided to go to the ocean and listen to Grandmother speak from the whispers of the waves. Upon my arrival, I dipped my toes in the tepid salt water and blessed my crown, heart and belly with sprinkles of the Ocean Waters. “Sit and take in the Beauty.”

On my way back to Poway (where I have been invited to stay during my visits to San Diego), the roads are dark on this country road that is lined with small horse ranch homes and the valley is an official Wildlife Preserve.

I saw a four-legged in the distance which I first thought was a dog or coyote at the edge of a drive, “Probably sniffing the trash cans.” As I approached
cautiously a Doe stepped into the road in front of my car. I stopped. She looked ahead as if she were to go across the street but instead turned back to the driveway. I began to move forward, watching her go back to up the driveway and then her mate appeared. A Buck with a rack of mature antlers.

He came down the drive way and stood in front of my car. My mouth dropped open and I was in awe. After a minute or so, he decided to move back into the trees as I began to drive slowly down the road.  He took on a grand prance and disappeared into the woods.

Elder Sister, Brother Deer thank you for showing us the gentleness that is on the other side of having come through the cycles discord. “Breath.”

We are blessed to be alive!

Strength and Saddness

March 26, 2011

I am grounded
in my power

"Strength and Saddness" photo by Gabriel

Confident in
my transparency
my authenticity
my truth

those moments
of sadness
for those
I am in love
whom cannot meet me

I humbly
honor their journey
my power
my acceptance
of what is.

Honey Toast

December 30, 2010


Joshua Tree, CA




"Intensity" photograph by Gabriel


Honey butter toast

really raw honey.

The sweetness of being vulnerable.

Honey toast.

Honey toes.

Horny toads.

And Lemon hot water tea.


Smack my lips!


I wrote this poem while I was sitting across the table from my beloved at the time.  I was relishing in my delightful buttered honey toast and hot lemon water as he stared away from me in his own place of contemplation.  The truth is there were unresolved issues between us that had yet to be communicated.

I suppose I had some sort of understanding and knowing that we were on the verge of clearing up the uneasiness since at that moment the intensity was at its peak.   The peak intensity is the threshold just before the completion within a life experience cycle and is a place of discomfort as our deep vulnerabilities are about to be unleashed.  A break through or healing is just moments away.  It has been my experience in this life’s journey that these intensities of experiences grows us into more of who we can be and how we become.

Such appropriate timing to be indulging in the sweetness and tartness of delectable comforts!

Shopping for Red Boots

September 26, 2010

I sit upon her alter

and pray

What the fuck is going on?!

The clarity escapes me

and yet

I track it

finding myself in

another realm

having conversations with

out of this world


I sit upon the alter

and chant my prayer

calling in guidance

my body trembles

my heart blasts open

I merge with this being

we become one.

A power house of a woman

Amazonian Star Being




Time to go buy some

kick ass red boots!

September 23, 2010

I wrote the preceding poem when I was in the desert.  I have been moving towards building an Earth Bag Dome Home on two and half acres I have in Joshua Tree.  At the time of this writing, I was starting the first of many  weekly commutes from the beach to the desert and desert to the beach.  At the same timing, my daughters have recently  bloomed into independent teenagers and I was finding myself twisted and tormented by this growth of having children growing up.

I was frustrated with my exercise and meditation routines being shifted during my latest transitions and knowing that all I had to do was comitt myself and set intent to creating new routines.   This morning in the desert as the sun was rising I rose out of bed, kissed my beloved, got dressed and put on my hiking shoes, grabbed tobacco for offerings and set out for the hike into the Joshua Tree National Forest.  Just before I left I greeted the sun with a glass of water and began my ten minute walk toward the park.

I am continually in awe of the simplicity and power of our intentions, prayers and ritual.  On that day began to settle into new routine possibilities and called in a new guide and, most of all, I made peace with with the growth in my life.  Yup, we’re going boot shopping!!!