Anscetors Mandala

June 25, 2013

6.23.2013 ~Joshua Tree

I’ve come to this place deep inside me where it feels like there is thorn or block obstructing the flow of life’s greatest gifts and rewards.  I kept sensing dispar or just wanting to quit….everything.  I’m tired of doing, being active, taking action to move life along for the sake of accomplishment and success.  My committment to my dreams, projects and circles was waning.  Motivation weakening.  Inspiration becoming cynical.

I have everything to be grateful for.  My dome home is upon completion, my drum medicine continues momentum and friends, family and romance  are flourishing…the message I kept hearing was “Let go and allow.  Surrender.  Let go, let go, let go.”  Such an uncomfortable place in my psyche, body and soul.

Mini rituals alleviate  the angst…on with it…..let it go!!!!  Praying, meditating, calling on associates to reveal a message on my behalf led me to this message from the Ancestors.

“And so, the dream came true. What say you NOW Goddess?”

We say our Heart’s Desire, this dream, is nothing more than our ecstatic elation born from imagination. We imagined so much more and thought all we had to do is dream it awake. It’s a bit uncomfortable as the dream continues to reveal itself. Especially uncomfortble in the allowing for revalations.

“This is the growth of our humanity’s journey. What will you do NOW Goddess?”

We give up!

 

Ancestors Mandala

 

 

In this moment, I give up!  I surrender. I let go.  This is what the moment is calling for NOW and from this I am reminded that giving up IS being alive.

To be alive is a birth rite that we all embody.  Embody this rite; show up, be accountable and present. Being present, most of all, is the acknowledgment of being alive.

WE GIVE UP AND WE ARE ALIVE!!

 

 

XI Strength

March 28, 2012

 

March 28, 2012

XI Strength

What a glorious life I lead.

(“I feel scared”)

Waking to what seems to perpetual sunny days.

(“I don’t want to get out of bed”)

Enjoying the freedom the kitties have in this expansive desert .

(“Next life time, I’m going to be a cat”)

Barefoot on the land.

(**sigh**)

Sharing the love of community…..building with the Earth….shaping our Dreams into form.

(“Sometimes I just need my own time and space”)

Talking circle before we begin our day ignites transparency to hold me accountable.

(“Overwhelm, fear…emotional purging”)

Stone of Gratitude passed around the circle.

(“Thank you, thank you, thank you!”)

Tears, laughter.

(“The beauty of Talking Circle”)

Where are my shoes?

(“funny crew”)

Where is my hat?

(“funny, funny crew!”)

I draw a card from the MotherPeace deck:  XI Strength

(“Lady of the Beast, she who tames through sheer spritual force.”)

 

sheer spiritual force

Reality or Projection

January 2, 2012

I have just spent the past four weeks in the North East.  A very dense and populated landscape of urban life with pockets respite along the Long Island Sound and small suburb parks.

Upon my arrival, it seemed that there was a mass of zombie like energy glazed upon the faces and bodies of those whom I encountered and the dense heaviness of  darkness of winter weighed thick in the air.  A big contrast to the desert in the South West full of sunlight and winds of cleansing change.  Bright and fresh.

Daily practice of yoga, meditation and salt scrub showers kept my Spirit light yet as time grew closer to the Winter Solstice on December 21st and my birthday on December 23rd, my shadow grew and began to weigh me down.   Dragging my shadow along for the inevitable ride, I sought out a place of refuge, a metaphysical bookstore.  This is where my journey back to the LIGHT began.

I was invited to a ceremony that was to be held in New York City facilitated with the traditions and medicines that called to my heart for the last decade, the Apache and the Huichol.  Spirit orchestrated the timing, as Spirit always does and on New Years Eve I found myself in a Tipi in a small park in the Bronx.  All time and space disappeared as the fire was tended, songs and prayers were sung and the Sacred was revered authentically in a Good Ways.

The next morning, on January 1, 2012, the Sun was bright and warm (unusual for this area this time of year).  I soaked more Light into my already open and filled Heartspace  on the 12th floor balcony of a highrise apartment building.   Greeted by Hawk, the message came from the question:

Is this glorious sun shiny day a projection of the Light that is in my Heart?  Are we that powerful?

Lighting up the City, Stamford CT 1/2/12

“We Come Together with All that is Good.  We hold Sacred Space in ways that have been passed on to us and for the future generations.  We have entered a time where we have the potential to manifest our true heart’s desires in an instant.   Believe in the power of  your Spirit.  The journey is what you choose it to be.  The Spirits of those who came before and those to come join you in Divine Orchestration.”

In that moment, in awe of the view before me; the city skyline showered by a bright Sun,  it occurred to me that scene before me might be a Projection of my own current experience….so much so that nature and the elements responded with a glorious, warm, sun shiny day.

I began to wonder, is this the simple Reality of a Beautiful day?  Or is this a Projection of the immense Light that is shining from our Hearts?

Journal Entry

December 28, 2011

****the winds of change are howling….i can hear the momentum building in the far distance….coming upon us like a heard of wild horses*****

Stamford Museum and Nature Center December 31, 2011

Strength and Saddness

March 26, 2011

I am grounded
in my power
Leadership
Family
Goddess

"Strength and Saddness" photo by Gabriel

Confident in
my transparency
my authenticity
my truth

Then…..
those moments
of sadness
for those
I am in love
whom cannot meet me

I humbly
honor their journey
my power
my acceptance
of what is.